Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
