my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
