Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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