You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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