Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
