On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
