haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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