My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
so that wasnt chicken after all
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
