What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
God, I missed his penis.
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