I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
