why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize