I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
