yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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