why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
