I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
