It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
