Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
