He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
