you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
She's just so happy...and so naked.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
