she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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