it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
