My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
