The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
