Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
