If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
