there's paper in my vomit.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
