oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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