You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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