Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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