Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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