I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
