ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
