you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
