chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
