he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize