this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
