you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize