He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
