Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize