so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
