i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
