Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
