Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
