i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
that's an acceptable place to lick
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Randomize
