Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
