i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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