I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
