There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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