Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Hello my rib-scented angel!
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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