you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize