i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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