I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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