My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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