im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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