remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
