Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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