I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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