I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Randomize
