But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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