She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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