Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
