i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
