She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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