dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize