Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Randomize
