I wish my penis had an off switch
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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