I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
