I think I died a long time ago.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
The air was thick with penises
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
