I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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