now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
you guys were way drunker than both of me
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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