i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
