Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
