yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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