Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
