I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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