just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
